all the courage you have left

Dreams of worlds that never existed, not for me. I stood on a high dune of sand the color of snow and watched the waves throw themselves at the land. Turquoise shattering, and along the shore an empty black road. The sky was so blue, and the sun was in my eyes as I looked down the road. Then I turned and climbed up a hill to an old abandoned house quietly rotting alone. I let myself in and there was a dead dog on the floor, its fur drifting amongst bones and dried stringy flesh. And I stood in the doorway and watched a sort of reverse time-lapse photography as the maggots appeared and danced and disappeared again. The flesh filled in around the ribs and the fur sprang back onto the skin, and the dog stood up and looked at me warily and its eyes were yellow.

Then I woke up, tangled in the sheets, sweaty and sick and my mouth sour from last night's rum, and I remembered you were gone.

So let the days pass. Give me crisp quiet and November light, pale and somehow cold. Give me your absence and your silence, a book of blank pages. I have enough to fill it all in.

ever is no time at all

My job is to take care of you. I was appointed to do that by God. I will kill anyone who touches you. Do you understand?


Cormac McCarthy, The Road.